Wednesday, March 28, 2012

My Life

I've just been reading over a few of my past blogs and have realized that quite a few of them are about trusting God and letting go. Even though it seems that I've learned this lesson over and over, I still somehow always find myself trying take the wheel while I sit in the passenger seat. I'm like one of those annoying back-seat drivers trying to tell God where to turn and when to slow down (or, more often, to speed up).

Two days ago, I was having a rough day. I was questioning the purpose of life. Why are we here? Is there really a point? I thought I was supposed to be married and writing breathtaking music around my rockin' awesome family by now. Is that ever going to happen? And, if not, then why am I here? I went to work that morning and my beautiful friend, Kristine, saw that I was having a rough day and asked if I wanted to eat lunch with her on the terrace. Come lunch time, we went down the steps and through the cafe to step into the glowing sunshine. We had barely sat down when she asked me, are you pro-life? Well, yeah, of course. Ok then, what is the value of life?

It was a question I wasn't expecting. We know it's wrong to kill, but why exactly? There's the obvious answer: because God told us not to. But past that, what really is the value of life? Is the value of life measured by success? Is it measured by failure? Is it measured by love, or hate? Is it measured by how many lives you touch, how many cities you've been to, or even how many breaths you take? Can you be good at life? Can you fail at life? No. To all of the above. The answer is much simpler than all that. The value of life is in the fact that God made it. He MADE it. He made you and me and all 6 billion people on earth. Sure, He made a lot of things. He created the mountains and the galaxies, too. But it's you and me that He loves and guides and carries through the life He gave us. Life is valuable because God lives inside us. Life is valuable because God loves us. And life is valuable because God died for us. We are here to love and be loved. We are here to live and work and follow Christ, wherever He might lead.

The next day, I received a phone call containing some very stressful news. I immediately reached out for that wheel, trying to turn into a different direction. I want to control this! I want to fix this! I went straight to Kristine and we went to the break room to talk and pray. The entire day was a blur. By the time I got in my car to drive home, I couldn't even remember being at work that day. But somewhere along the Diagonal Highway, I realized that I have to let go. We all have to let go. Didn't I just find that life is not measured by successes or failures? Didn't I just learn that life is valuable because God lives in us, and loves us and died for us? God MADE us. He's not going to let us fall.

Looking back over my life, I've done a lot of crazy and unplanned things. I bought a horse with barely any training and who hadn't been ridden in years when there were much better prospects out there for me to buy. She ended up winning Horse of the Month many times over at a therapeutic riding academy where she continues to help kids with disabilities learn to love. I up and moved to Disney World when I was 18 and discovered that the world is not such a scary place. I applied to only one undergraduate college simply because I didn't feel like taking the time to do the college search and it turns out it was the best place for me to be at that time. And the biggest jump of all, my move to Colorado. No friends, no family, no job, even my pets were left in KC. But when you follow God and let Him drive, He will guide you to a future you could not even imagine.

Life is valuable. All life is valuable. And even if I never end up writing breathtaking music or I never reach any of my goals, I know my life is still valuable and I will let God guide it to wherever I'm meant to be. Your life is valuable, too. And not because of your successes or failures, your joy or your scars. It is valuable because God made you and He loves you and He died for you. He will not let you fall. He values your life too much to let you fall.